I am really sorry that you and your kids are going through this situation. I have been there in the past. I understand wanting the magic wand and wanting to make everything feel better. My husband is almost 10 years sober. Honestly, the PTSD of what I went through does not go away. The memories are still there. We can have a good day on some days. But if my husband spends too much money on something or if he is narcissistic and puts me down, then it reminds me of his alcoholism all over again. It reminds me of the failure of being that wife and mother and not having the "normal life" like I feel that everyone else had. If your husband still has an addiction, the best advice that I can give you is to give yourself and your kids a break from the addict, get to safety, and take care of yourself and your kids. This is not your battle. I think you can count the days too much. I honestly stopped counting because it was not my addiction. It was my husband's addiction. The addict has to do this himself. It is a strict boundary for the addict--not just using words to talk about his love, the addict has to show love with his actions. Honestly, I would give yourself more credit that you have not failed as a spouse or parent. You are still there. You are sober. You are showing your kids true love by doing the best you can do. The best books that I read were the Getting Them Sober books by Toby Rice Drews. Al Anon helped to just have a true voice and be honest about what I was going through.