trailmix

Yes fear you may lose this relationship. On the flip-side, maybe fear or perhaps more self-preservation should be pulling you in the other direction? Don't worry about him, he will be fine (in his own way, whatever "fine" is to him), but will you be?

You are already being hurt by his drinking/behaviour. He is already choosing alcohol over everything else. How long can you do that? How long before it starts to affect your self-esteem, before you sit and wonder why he would chose alcohol over you (well over all).

If you make yourself the focus here, you will be much better off you know?

You cannot "fix" him, you can't make him who you want him to be. You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it. As soon as you start to think you can, you are in trouble, truly. Trying to manipulate him with ultimatums (don't call me when drunk = you will stop drinking for me) - that's dangerous territory. You can't win this one.

The only way forward in a relationship like this if for you to accept him just the way he is. That includes his drinking. Yes - just the way he is. No judgement, no rules, no threats, you are either in or you are out. If you wait for him to "become" what you want him to be, to commit to your expectations in this relationship, you will be looking back 20 years from now thinking, wow I wish I had just let him go and do his thing and me mine.

Think of his relationship with alcohol like this as well perhaps. You will never win the war, so, as is said here often - may as well drop that rope (or be dragged).