schnappi99

I get the honorable best effort when the marriage isn't what one would choose. My wife hasn't "come back" or even come back differently after she quit drinking getting on 10yrs ago.. that emotional and physical wall that she doesn't acknowledge or talk about and has no interest in working on is still entirely there. There have been a few attempts over the years, she quits because the work makes her cry. She drinks now occasionally- each time looking at me as if I'm the judge/jury/executioner. I always let her know its her business and I'm not counting, and I'm not.. the goal is to let her be the way she wants to be... but... damn it gets kind of lonely sometimes doing my job in the marriage. I've been reviewing a bunch about what I'm getting out of the situation; doing that honorable thing, upholding the vows and so on is good. I am grateful for the opportunity to do lots of Alanon stuff. The emotional and physical wall is a good way to reveal my own dependency on such things... all of that is good. My boundary is I won't accept the old abusive problem drinking.. and there isn't any.

But then I see some of my friends in alanon getting the divorces and getting free to pursue what they want. Its clear that is likewise a very mixed bag- that other field might look a lot greener but it has plenty of cow-poop also. We have a 16yr old daughter in the house, I want to demonstrate how to stick with an imperfect but not abusive relationship.. maybe when she's 18 I might choose differently. But sitting amid the flames is a long haul sometimes.