I clearly remember that flip flopping while I was drinking. I was saying I didn't want to drink (so much) followed by drinking into oblivion. I remember early recovery as mostly relief that I had decided to never drink again, and most of all, knowing I wouldn't.
As far as being 100% of the person we think we should be, the fact is that we are a combination of good qualities and some qualities, maybe even many, that are below our standards. I never bought into a searching and fearless moral inventory, but I am a committed advocate of a searching and fearless INVENTORY without dwelling on morality and personal failure all the time. I don't know about the rest of us, but as a practicing alcoholic, my whole life revolved around my awareness of my failures. I saw myself as a pathetic drunk, and I assumed many others were at a minimum, aware of my lack of self control when it came to alcohol.
Recovery for me was more about finding my strengths and improving on them, and one of the first strengths I found was my ability to commit to life long abstinence. I didn't need to analyze the depths of my failure as an addict or a human being to do that. Good God, that was the continual headline of my daily life as a drunk. It required no fearless searching inventory. It was the epitome of "well duh!!??" And knowing that became the foundation for actual change. I was the only one who could make that happen, and embracing actual change was the only way to do that. As a drunk, I wallowed daily in my failure. And the wallowing itself was a failure.