Originally Posted by fishkiller

Good stuff!

I will add my experience.
I too found I did not like the "real" fish . So I fought and fought to become the guy I think I should be with not much improvement to be honest.

Well after A LOT of struggle, self reflection, thinking and taking cues from others I found out I AM that guy. I can't believe I couldn't see it.
Years, decades, of chemical poisoning and self doubt blinded me to who I REALLY was. Even newly sober I didn't see him.
I only saw the things I did not like about him.

I speak for myself but I can't be alone in this. Maybe we just can't see the real us. Even sober sometimes.
Sometimes we need to just lower our expectations. I thought I had to do everything perfect. Be in superb physical condition. Mentally sharp at all times. Etc. I should be without flaws. After all I am no longer a drunk so what is the problem?
Well that just is not possible.

I am in good shape for 52yo. Most times I can form a coherent sentence. Sometimes I even do something right the 1st time. I try to give my best. I am not drunk.

Do I really not like being that guy?
WTH was I thinking?

If you don't like who you are and you are sober look deeper. Chances are it is just that old drunken self doubt blinding you.