Hi everyone,
I’ve seen a few posts recently which resonate with something I’ve been thinking about, so hopefully I have something to add here.
As I said in previous posts, at some point in my recovery I realised I wasn’t happy with who I was.
I remember finding this particularly strange, because the feeling wasn’t there when I was drinking. I mean, of course I knew something was very wrong, but there was some kind of drinking related numbness, that stopped me from seeing what was really happening with real me.
This created a vicious cycle:
- I knew something was wrong, but couldn’t see what was really happening because of numbness.
- I then blamed it on alcohol and decided to quit (a logical decision).
- As I built sober days/weeks, the numbness would start to disappear, and I’d feel uncomfortable with the Mr P I was finding.
- This made me think things were somewhat easier when I was drinking.
- Allowing for that thought led to relapse.
- Relapse led to the cycle starting again.
What is really weird about all this is that the logic kept flipping in an endless cycle: first, drinking is bad for me, so I must quit; then, things feel worse after quitting, so I need to drink again.
So here is the important point. To be able to work on the changes I needed for real me,I had to THINK DIFFERENT. This is the only way to break the cycle, alcohol can’t be a possibility, ever.
I’d be lying if I said that I have this 100% under control this time round, but I’m happy to feel this way, because last time, even if it lasted almost 2 years, I thought I had nailed it and ended up failing. So this is my thinking different this time round.
So if you are stuck in the cycle this is what I recommend. Think out of the box, think something you wouldn’t usually, the addiction knows your predictable next steps, so be unpredictable.
My best wishes to everyone