Peke, I'm so sorry you are feeling that way, but at least you have identified the feelings.
I believe in you and that you can get that self love back, and stop drinking as part of the process.
You're a strong, capable, intelligent and sensitive person. A lot of reasons to love and care for yourself!
Have you ever talked to a therapist about what happened to you at that time?
Wishing you healing and contentment, and a very Happy Birthday!