Self love
I started binge drinking in my mid-30s. I think during that time I stopped loving myself. Something happened to me (which is not important) but I know that before the age of 35 I never had an issue with alcohol and I hardly drink. Something happened to me during that year and I didn’t like myself any longer.
Tomorrow is my birthday and I will be 53. And although I don’t drink frequently, the binge drinking has gotten worse over the years. Once or sometimes twice a month I will end up drinking alone at home and wind up with a bunch of popcorn on my lap passed out on the sofa. That visual must sound like somebody who does not love themselves. I got a wonderful suggestion the other day (from Free2) about looking in the mirror and saying “I love you” 10 times. I decided to try it. It felt incredibly strange. I felt so uncomfortable doing it. I tried to look myself in the eye and it was very hard. But I do think there’s a lot of sense in making this a daily exercise. Because if you love yourself and you can sooth yourself you can get through this difficult addiction. I don’t know what has changed to make me really want to commit this time. Because I couldn’t be farther from who I normally am. I can’t exercise I’m housebound due to Covid and I’m not feeling particularly proud of myself. But maybe this is my new bottom. As always thank you all for your support. I will try to come here more often instead of just coming here when things get bad.