Same happens to me Ican.
And it all starts with that first drink. And who wants to have 1-2 drinks at anyrate? Waste of time. It seems I seeks oblivion, escape, only. I'd rather sit sober wondering why I seek such a state. I'm getting there, slowly, often painfully. I'm growing. I can feel it. Pride.
I think the best thing to come out of it has been the loss of the guilt and shame. Respect from those who once condemned me.
Onwards Ican. We have Gollum to defeat.