Hi Newheart,
im taking this on as a failure of not being good enough so I can fix what it is and get back the really good parts of being with him
You are plenty good enough and not a failure. It takes courage and strength to put yourself out there and opened your heart to love . You did reach out to him as much as you could. It is not up to you alone to have a relationship. It takes two people opening up together to have a relationship. You can not fix him no matter how much you say or do. He has to realize that his actions are what you see and he needs to figure them out.
You need to do stuff for you. Put you first. Find the things that bring joy to your heart. You heart will open up again, it takes time to heal from being emotionally manipulated. Just take it one day at a time and know you are worthy. Keep being strong.