Originally Posted by ironwill;[url=tel:7776999
7776999[/url]]HI NewHeart,
Sorry that you meet someone special and they flipped out on you. You are not stupid for opening your heart to love. If you don't open it you will never find love.
You are correct in deciding that it should be over. I know it hurts to say that its over to someone you care about. But yourinstinct from everything you have learned here kicked in and gave you the strength to do what you needed to do.
I know you want to fix him and get back the person you fell in love with. Just like an alcoholic he has to figure what is up with him self. You can only tell him how you feel. The rest is up to him. Keep being strong and coming back for advice.
everyone’s responses have been wonderful but I think you hit the nail On the head in terms of my codependency. I want to talk to him about work life balance and how important he is to me. I want to show him I am ready to commit. I can’t accept that I may have done everything just fine and I also am having trouble accepting that these may be deep rooted commitment issues he has. I want to think it is just cold feet that I can fix with a conversation and more love.
My instinct is telling me he has a lot of good work he has done in untangling his emotional state but that there is a lot of dissociation and intimacy issues he still has. Not just from going to war but a horrible divorce he experienced from his parents and his parents using him to run their businesses as a child and as a pawn in the divorce. He easily disassociated and would go into work mode. I noticed he did that with me. Do all the things one should do in a relationship but completely emotionally not there. I want to believe that somehow loving him could get him to love me intimately in return. It’s hard to accept that is not how it works and only he can change.
im taking this on as a failure of not being good enough so I can fix what it is and get back the really good parts of being with him