Hev, yes, covering for them is something I too have been guilty of. And bailing him out of jail when he promised to stay at home and only go to meetings and stay clean because he had learned his lesson and would do anything I said...boo hoo. I bailed him out and we were not even home yet when he got out of the car to head to his using grounds....not even home. I didn't know bail could be recanted or I would have gone right back and done that.
When i help him and he does what he always does i am surprised and angry.
Peaselovesober, don't beat yourself up, we have all been where you are. Sharing that helps, it's another trait most of us have in common. It's about "expectations", thinking if we do or say one thing, they will do or say what we project. Most expectations lead to disappointment because there is nothing predictable about a person who is addicted.
We just can't expect a responsible outcome when we are dealing with the insanity of addiction.
I am away tomorrow until evening, but will check in because I too am learning from all this and the thought provoking responses.