Originally Posted by
Enkbaa 
Yes dear.It's like "elephant in the room", we share and support each other,complain about bad men, but we never talk about our "absent selfworth" as Triggered elobarated. Why we keep run into same type of men or relationship over and over? Its because we had no inner peace or worth. We had somehow chronic problem that might happened in childhood. So we all have written all these childhood insecure life in our forehead,as in adult life we just attract men who can remind or who can give us same feeling of insecurity feeling once we had from our upbringing and surrounding when we were young. So how about now we just try to claim our childhood upbringing security, if never try to work on the healing part, we will end up with same kind of men and keep complain.
Absolutely. I am not looking to date or have a romantic relationship but I am now applying what I have learnt in my recovery work regarding growing up in an alcoholic home/marrying an alcoholic to choosing new friends, picking new places to go, hobbies to get involved with.
I am learning to enjoy the company of people who in the past would have seemed boring to me. Reality being they are stable, emotionally mature and do not create a big rollercoaster of emotions. They are steady, reliable and trustworthy. The opposite of the people who attracted me in the past.
I am building myself a safe, secure life now. One I have never had before. In childhood and then in adulthood due to my own recreation of childhood patterns.
I want my life to feel safe and secure. Not be knocked off course by a destructive person I have invited in.
That is 100% on me to do. I feel if I invite another alcoholic or narc into my life to create chaos that will entirely my own fault. Having just about come out of my Trauma Bond to late AH, I don't ever want to go through that again.
I can see my part now in my marriage to late AH. My enabling, my co-dependency. We shared the sick dance together. Late AH was my A dad in a different body. I was my enabler mum in a different body.
I am not anymore.