Originally Posted by
trailmix 
I think you have to have respect for his choice. As tragic as his story is, he made his own choices as a grown adult man. If he chose to, or in his muddled mind he came to conclusions, about anything you said or did or he decided happened, that's nothing to do with you, personally.
You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and couldn't Cure it - never could. Now you just need to believe that.
I wouldn't contact the family, there is nothing for you there (or for him).
I just finished a REALLY long thread written by someone who is in sort of the same headspace that I was in for 4 months. Until I came here. At first, I felt that some people were being too hard on him, blah, blah, blah...Now? I recognize myself in another person and I am grateful for the bluntness. I kind of miss him, but then I think - what am I missing? What? Only a tiny, tiny, tiny slice of time 40 years ago when he was a healthy, intelligent young man. The past 4+ years? I feel like I've woken up from a bad nightmare. I'm usually pretty good - a couple of weeks ago, I was finally able to listen to playlists on my phone that had some of his favorite songs on them.
And then...a setback. A totally irrational setback. Triggered by TikTok. Honestly!
I'm not sure if "respect" is the right word for his decision, because there's a good chance that it was unintentional, if, indeed, he decided to take that route. Or, it could have been something else completely - if he'd had his pacemaker checked regularly, including the part that notifies 911, maybe he would have lived. That said, it was his decision to neglect his cardiac condition, so there's that. Whatever. Mostly I think he was a narcissist, and he got me good.
But yes, yes, yes, I need to not send a letter. I've been reading this forum for a couple of hours, and I'm not even wanting to spend my time writing it. That said, writing it and burning it is the most "me" course of action should I have another hiccup. Thank you so much.