Payne9

So I went to a meeting because I blocked my ex bf because I couldn’t stop the compulsion of texting him. I had blocked him and then I unblocked , we discussed meeting for dinner but he cancelled . I wasn’t hurt that he cancelled but I definitely would of went . I’ll go a few days of no contact and then I’ll text. I know he’s actively drinking , so I don’t know why I’m expecting anything different . The meeting was eye opening for me. Made me realize things about myself that I never thought of . Him and I discussed meeting up tomorrow to exchange Christmas presents. At this point I’m just hurting myself for no reason. A break up should be a break up . This isn’t healthy for me . He gives me breadcrumbs and I go. It’s hard because we aren’t mad at each other . He knows he has a drinking problem, I know I’m controlling and I’m lost .

thanks for listening