Hi Kiana
It's hard to quit if you're still in love with that old life, or at least aspects of it..
I had that too, even tho my drinking nearly killed me. It was like being in love with my jailer.
Funny thing was tho, the longer I stayed clean and sober, the more I loved that new life, and the more I relaised what a l,ie the old life was.
It wasn't happiness, it was anaesthesia.
It wasn't bliss, it was oblivion.
It wasn't freedom - it was living in chains.
Stick around - there's a ton of support here and that support really helped me work out what I wanted from my life and how I might get there.
I'm glad you found us
D