Amnesiac, lets get over this. I didn't have 3 years in, but on friday I slipped and drank. Not as much as I usually did, but enough. I woke up the next day feeling awful about it (plus a hang over). I did it in isolation, which makes no sense to me other than I was at a camp where I usually drink with friends. Basically, I realize I had it planned, bought the alcohol, drank said alcohol (my monster had already decided), not me.
When I woke up, as I mentioned I felt awful. But I knew what I had to. I got back on my feet, detoxed for the day. I read a lot, thought a lot, and lots of self talk between me and my dog. Now I'm back to day 5.
Sorry it's been very hard for you mentally, I hope this new counselor can help where the other didn't.
I guess I just want to offer encouragement and let you know you're not alone in this behavior. But can definitely learn and get even stronger than you are.