Lucy - I know what you mean. It's a bit different when the alcoholic is your child. It's so very hard to practice detachment.
My only child (daughter, age 22) is an alcoholic, and I have experienced numerous life threatening epidodes this year (suicide attempts, alcohol related hospitalizations, police involvement and her lockup for being drunk in public).
I have been working my program very hard this year, or I would be in a bad shape. My Al-anon meetings kept me sane and calm during some very terrible times.
Recovery works, Lucy.
Keep coming back.