I had a very difficult time this morning. I ran with five of my friends. Normally I have no trouble keeping pace with them. But I had a binge drinking episode last Monday. I think that I’m still feeling the effects. On top of this, when I looked in the mirror today I looked very bloated. Especially the area between my hips and shoulders. I have never carried weight in my midsection but I feel as if I look puffy or now. I used to be able to do a binge night twice a month and still keep up my athletic endeavors. But it seems like I just can’t do it anymore. And that’s a great thing I know. But I was just really embarrassed today. I was panting and gasping like I was drowning. I don’t think anybody noticed. But I did. I felt it. A part of me is thinking, well maybe I can drink just once a month and still be able to train with them. But why do that?
I was just about to post this. As I read what I wrote I realized with sadness that all I did was talk about how drinking was affecting my workouts. I forgot to mention that it’s destroying my marriage. Forgot to mention that. Because that’s kind of like a big deal. Funny how selfish and narcissistic I am. All I care about is my running. Not my relationship. With my husband. Of twenty-three years. Who’s heart is breaking because he’s got a busy shift tonight in the ER. And he’s worried that I might binge…