So sad
This week has been so hard for me. Lots of ups and downs. Me trying to understand why the break up happened, what I could of done better . He text me this today “ Our break up is not about you. It's about us. I need to be in a better space to be healthy enough for that”. Normally when he’s text me something like this I’d feel hopeful he’s going to get help. But someone told me to not focus on his words, focus on his actions. He’s been partying all week, or drinking at home. When I saw him yesterday I could smell beer . When he went pee, I looked and saw many beer cans . He admits he’s an alcoholic, but I haven’t seen any indication of him stopping . I think I was still hopeful since he wanted to get healthier. But I’m letting him string me along. He’s always been adamant cheating is the worst thing anyone can do , but being emotionally unavailable is pretty crappy too . The fact we discussed what our “ round 2” would look like is so unhealthy. Saying we will keep it just between us so no outside influences can bother us. I’ve been reading a lot of the stories on here. My story isn’t special or unique . I went all the way back to when we had been dating a month, he took me to meet his friends, he spilled his beer on my new phone, I said his name. He got up and left me there. I followed him, he yelled at me outside, saying “ you embarrassed me, you yelled at me in front of my friends “ he was crying. I was confused because I hadn’t yelled. He then said “ We’re over “ and he walked away. I drove us there so I got in my car and chased him down(embarrassing). He finally got in the car and we went to his house . I’m reflecting on everything. Like why didn’t I let it end that day .
Or when he took me over his friends house for movie night , and he drank more than anyone else there. He then told me he was sober, got in my 70,000 car, and backed it into a parked car. Again why didn’t I leave then.
My hope is if I keep reflecting I won’t go back . Because what I’m learning is they will keep coming back if we allow them to , after they are done partying or if they get lonely . Idk just some thoughts