Hi Camabelle, so sorry for what brings you here.
I feel paralyzed studies show that kids do so much better in a two parent home
I don't think this is true and it's absolutely 100 percent not true when one partner has a big problem that is affecting everyone. In your house, that is an alcoholism.
the only thing that’s stops me my kids they cry and they ask for daddy all the time especially my son and I can’t keep putting them through this cycle with him coming and going to grandmas
Only you can protect them. Damage done from having an abusive alcoholic Father is far worse than them missing him. It's normal for them to miss him, they are kids, however your Husband needs to get help (or not, if he decides not to) but no reason for all of you to be abused.
You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.
I hope you will get the strength to ask him to leave, as soon as possible. I hope you won't revisit having him return until he is sober - if he ever decides to do that. A solid year of sobriety and getting help - AA, therapy etc and maybe you might think about him rejoining you. Or not, if you don't feel you want to, that's up to you of course.