Camabelle2

Hello my name is Rachael and 33 years old I’ve been with my husband for 11 years we have a 19 year old son Landon Who is not mine biologically but I entered his life when he was eight his mother left him at four years old I’ve never met her a four-year-old daughter, Annabelle and a three-year-old son Cameron 15 months apart I do not drink or do drugs And have been supportive of my husband’s attempt to quit drinking for the duration of our 11 year relationship he just stuck with beer recently but has always had an issue with alcohol mood swings depression anger but since we’ve had our two children it’s gotten out of control in the last year he’s begun to drink whiskey shooters closet drinking beer (still drinking and driving ) I guess to hide it for me (I’ve even told him this but I don’t care just drink a six pack but even that’s not enough)hiding them everywhere he’s also gotten a DWI which he currently is on probation for he has a major anger problems the cops have been out to our house numerous times but I can never follow through with getting him put in jail I did file an order of protection last summer but I didn’t go through with it because I thought that would be enough to get him to change I do get emotional before my time of the month

I’m tired just so exhausted with not having a partner he’s never nice ever just can’t say a nice thing to me and doing everything alone he’s a wonderful father I mean he loves him so much and I guess it’s hard to admit but he isn’t so wonderful but lately his temper has been getting the best of him and if I find him snapping at the kids more and more his anger is out of control I’m wondering if I should get another order of protection this time but the only thing that’s stops me my kids they cry and they ask for daddy all the time especially my son and I can’t keep putting them through this cycle with him coming and going to grandmas he regains their trust and mine and he gets better for a little bit only to break our hearts again And each time I can see them more and more effective and I cannot live with the guilt I feel paralyzed studies show that kids do so much better in a two parent home and I don’t have anything to go back on I didn’t get to finish my degree I don’t want to put them in daycare I just don’t know what to do I just don’t know if I can put my kids through the trauma maybe if I just shut my mouth and ignore it but now it’s the point where I can’t ignore it because he snaps and is constantly mean and nasty calls me horrible names in front of them my son tells me to go upstairs when daddy is home and he’s 3 I’m a horrible mother I just wish I could get him to see his ways He calls the order of protection fake And I was like I’m just the problem I didn’t follow through with it last summer

I just don’t know what to do anymoreAnd I was like I’m just the problem I didn’t follow through with it last summer I just don’t know what to do I feel paralyzed in fear I have no support system my mother is extremely toxic as well he also quit his job which he said was for us he was And asphalt supervisor laid asphalt I’ve done that for 20 years since he was about 17 when he had a son so I know it comes with the territory for that to be a drinking and toxic and firemen he put his job it was on for a month only to go to a different asphalt company where it’s even worse some people in my family say that nothings good enough and I don’t appreciate the fact that he did quitAnd asphalt supervisor laid asphalt I’ve done that for 20 years since he was about 17 when he had a son so I know it comes with the territory for that to be a drinking and toxic and firemen he put his job it was on for a month only to go to a different asphalt company where it’s even worse some people in my family say that nothings good enough and I don’t appreciate the fact that he did quit