Tired
I'm just so tired. I'm tired of the struggle. I'm tired of recovery and the endless parade of things that are wrong with me that need fixing. I'm tired of the constant uphill battle of life. I'm tired of the uncertainty. I'm tired of constantly dealing with chronic pain and ill health. I'm tired of being told I need to be grateful. I'm tired of having to constantly watch and monitor everything I eat or drink lest I lose abstinence. I'm tired of all the effort, and for what? I don't have any particular joy in life. Nothing particularly matters. I'm not depressed. I just don't care. I'm just so tired. People say if you keep drinking/go back to drinking, you'll die. And? I don't want to drink and I have no intention of drinking, but I also don't care if I die, so that's not very motivating. I exercise, I eat right, I take care of business, I go to work, I save money, I pay my bills. But to what end? I don't like travel. I'm a home body. There is not a single thing I feel like I need to live for or that I care particularly about. It's an exhausting way to live. Surely I am not the only person who feels this way. What is the point? I don't believe in anything religious or an afterlife. I'm just so tired. Why am I doing all this? Am I having a midlife crisis? It is existential angst? I'm so tired.