Gosh, Bodhi, I really feel for you. What a family to marry into.
I've never been married so can't speak from experience about that. But I did find that a lot of toxic people dropped away from my life in my sobriety. I grew such low tolerance for them because I was sober. I couldn't block them out by getting blotto. I began to limit the time I spent with them.
One friend especially simply stopped inviting me to things. I was always leaving early and clearly not in sync with everyone - how could I be since at some point in the evening people would start having rambunctious conversations about politics and relationships and I'd have nothing to say because they would all be inappropriate and aggressive and disclosing too much? Yuck! I'd make an excuse, drive home and get into bed with a book.
I'd suggest you're on the way to being much more true to yourself, drawing boundaries, not putting up with maltreatment from people like your rude brother-in -law. Since they're family you won't be able to cut them off completely, but eventually they'll get used to not having you and your husband about so much. It'll be a mutually beneficial development since your sober presence aggravates them by reminding them of what they don't want to admit - that they're a bunch of active dysfunctional alcoholics.
Glad your husband is supportive. I hope he also realises how toxic his family is because they can't be good for him either.