Shame
I'm so ashamed of my drinking. I know the best cure for that is continued sobriety, but I hit so many rock bottoms and devastated my family.
Right now I'm hanging on by a thread. I don't want to drink, but the sneaky thoughts of "one naggin, wait til your BAC hits zero, have a shower before seeing anyone, no one will know" creep up. But whenever is it one naggin? I'd be a naggin deep and buying three more would seem a good idea.
I've put everyone through so much. I'm on day 4. If I stay sober I'll have almost two months at Christmas and be able to face the visitors.
Sobriety would open so many doors. A job, an education, a career, more hobbies, maybe even a relationship one day.
Everyone in my life thinks sobriety is best for me. My parents certainly, my siblings, my best friend who's in NA. It seems unlikely they're all wrong. I can't drink without catastrophe anymore.
I'll feel less ashamed when I get more sober time and can make a meaningful apology for my actions in the past. I don't know does that mean working the steps. I might try. There's an AA meeting at 7:30 that I like, 3am now. Suppose it can't hurt to go to a meeting. Maybe go to some SMART meetings. Maybe get therapy alongside acamprosate like you're supposed to.