I read your entire post, but this last paragraph seems most important to me.
Originally Posted by
VikingGF 
I don't feel secure at all. I remember all too easily how going back happened.
I believe feeling secure is the biggest two edged sword in recovery. It causes many a relapse, verified by alcoholics over and over again in this forum who feel like they are secure enough to drink responsibility.
THEREFORE, feeling secure is of lesser importance than abstinence. Feeling anything is a fickle emotion, while abstinence is a choice. Recovery is all about choice. It is that choice, not the feeling, that keeps you sober.
Originally Posted by
VikingGF I KNOW I'm different this time, but is it enough?
It depends, and even then it's an unknown. But I believe asking that question is valid, and I believe you are on the right path. You can still step off the path and get lost, but you must not lose the path. It requires vigilance, commitment, and as always, Making the Choice Not to Drink. That choice is your number one concern. And you always, ALWAYS, have the power to choose.
Originally Posted by
VikingGF I wake up each day and scoff at the thought of drinking, it's laughable to me that I could ever poison myself again. I never, ever want to feel out of control or guilty or so full of remorse that I want to just stop breathing and be done with everything. I have been happy to wake up and go do my work and talk to my friends and drive at night and call my mom at 10:30 PM or FaceTime her and not worry if there is a wine bottle in the frame or if I sound drunk. I am so happy to be free. How could this not be enough?
Always choosing not to drink is enough. Those things you do in this last part are all good things, but not drinking is the correct choice. Make that choice, and the good things you just observed will always continue to be there, plus a lot more.
Do I hear a "Yeah. But?" Don't give me a "Yeah, but." You know what you have to do.
