Hi,
I am really sorry to hear you are going through this and I do hope things will get better.
I am struggling with my own addiction to alcohol so I can only give a bit of insight into how I have lost a relationship due to my drinking. It wasn't until I actually recognised that my drinking was causing the problem that I actually really started to admit to myself fully that I had a problem. I would feel all the shame, the guilt and genuinely sorry but I kept on drinking. I was easily triggered to drink without thinking of the consequences. I blamed everyone else rather than myself for drinking the alcohol. I couldn't really see outside of the box. Just stuck in my own self pity and justifying why I drank. I would get very defensive about my drinking and really go to great extremes to justify it. Just any excuse my addiction gave me. I also turn into a completely different person when drinking and maybe when she is sober that might be the best time to talk things through.
It is nice to hear you mention all her great qualities. My sister told me I change when I drink but when I am sober I am one of the best people she knows and I have a lot of worth. It does mean a lot to hear that when you are feeling really low when alcohol is wrecking your life.
There are a lot of really amazing people on here that can give you a lot of guidence and support so please don't give up on your wife. I am sorry I can't be too helpful but I can only tell you of my own experience and where it led me. I am getting help now though and I am trying to change.
Best wishes