You are right (again lol). I told you before I was an ungrateful sod, this time a few weeks ago when she wouldn't even talk to me on the phone, I would have killed just for that!
She is being generous in even wanting to keep contact.
Sometimes I should just listen to other people. When I was moaning on about her publically annoucing her pregnancy, everyone was saying, why can't you see that it was a nice thing she was trying to do for you?
Funny how I was happy at the time. I spent that whole wedding weekend not drinking while everyone around me was, it was only when I got home my thoughts went darker. I see now that was AV, feeling cheated and excluded from all the drinking.
I can tell AV from "me" emotion because there is a drive behind it. As you say, it will hijack normal emotion. For me it will make it more intense ( usually more angry, dark, defeatist and self pitying). And of course, it always suggests a drink will relieve all of this. Which it would, for IT. Because it gets it's fix and is happy. Meanwhile all of my higher mental functions have gone to crap and I am stumbling about living in the basest of animal instinct.
I hope you and your daughter make it up. I think she will come around one day, she will see what she is missing out on in the "now" you. My daughter has always had strong boundries (for good reason) but I run amock over them when I am drinking and then feel sorry for myself when she enforces them when I am sober. When I am drinking, she just removes herself, instantly.
She is a nice person, obviously she is very forgiving of me (although I expect her to be cool towards me this trip, maybe wary is the right word). But everyone has their limits.
I didn't intend this thread for to be where I come and spill my guts lol but it is proving quite useful for that.
Especially for things like yesterday, with my strop. I can type things out, then look at it and see exactly how badly I am behaving in my thinking! I looked at my post yesterday and could seperate what I felt v what I felt plus AV adding its vitriol in order to get a drink.
Instead of just thinking well Im a hurt she couldn't either time just tell me in private about being pregnant and sex of the baby (I really hate showing emotion in public as well as just wanting a moment alone with her). My AV had to throw in resentment, stroppiness, petulance...this all stems from my beast wanting a drink.
It used to throw me calling my addict self "beast" but all this desire for drink does come from the limbic system..the beast brain/lizard brain.
Anyway it was right on cue as Wednesdays and Thursdays, apart from last week Ive hardly missed drink wise.
Thank you for this Obladi, I should count my blessings and thank you for pointing that out..sometimes I need to be TOLD and I need to listen
