Both... Yes & Want to, but it's extremely hard.
It's been about 11 years and I still can't get alcohol out of my head. Not 11 years sober, 11 years drinking, almost daily (rehab x 10 kept me off for maybe half of that duration)
I keep thinking... I've cost the tax payers so much..... about $5k/patient/day x an average of maybe 2 months, 60x5=300K
.At least I give them jobs, and, set aside a relapse last weekend... I've been sober for longer than I can remember staying outside of any rehab facilities...
... but I feel down in the dumps, I want to be social but can't... hope that changes Monday when I plan to go back to work.
Everything is handed to me, though nothing is free, whether in feelings or tether - I need to change....