need to see through objective eyes
Well, I called the A and told him there was no need to "think about it." Told him it was very clear in his Dear John letter where he says he doesn't love me the way he did when he wanted to marry me, he doesn't feel the same way (of course he doesnt' I've set boundaries and he's 4 mos sober, and seeing things through different eyes, our roles had changed. Funny thing is even though he is sober he talks the same and thinks the same, I'm still supposed to pick up his slack, maybe if he was going to AA like he should he would know finding Christ didn't fix him, he still needs to work on himself. So he basically dumped me and I let him. I'm gone from the sad to the anger stage now. Feeling really used and letdown. The ole "he's sober now, yay, now he'll realize just how great I am and recognize all I've done for him, and we'll get married and live happily ever after" blew up right in my face. Should of known. He just sent me an "yellow friendship rose email," you know the kind that says "I'm your friend and I'm here for you always blah blah blah." What am I supposed to do with that? Do I want to be his friend? Cuz, I'm not feeling it right now. I'm just angry and feeling used and abused. Ok, so I let him. Gosh darn it! Aughhhh! I didn't have to stay everytime he was cruel, I didn't have to pay the bills, his bill he couldn't pay, blah blah blah, but I did, cuz I loved him and then I got some boundaries and broke it off when he got drunk and started throwing things, he got sober, I started to fall in love again, he let me believe he was too (revenge?) I said let's get married! He said see ya! Don't love you that way anymore! But he still went away for the weekend with me (on me of course) 2 weekends before he dumped me! I feel like a big fool. I know it's a good thing. No one wants to be with someone who really doesn't love them the same. Right? No more roller coaster ride, no more picking up the slack, no more of Judge Judy mama in law from hell who only enables him . . . . friends? Do I want to be friends? Does he really? What's he up to? Any ideas? I'm in the middle and I can't see clearly, my emotions are blinding me.