Steph,
What you were speaking of sounds very familiar to me... and I figured out why. In Melody Beatties book "Codependant No More", she refers to how we victimize ourselves, and specically to the "Karpman Drama Triangle"; to rescue, then persecute, then feel victimized.
Sometimes, as codependants, we misuse trust. We HAVE TO give them trust, so in the end we are justified when they deceive us. We thrive on being able to "take care" of our loved ones... our enabling behaiors, our cover-ups, our TRUST - our rescues. This provides great leverage for us when inevitably they "do wrong"; we persecute them... make them feel shame (Oh, the control we have!
). Our loved ones may react in anger or spite, or perhaps nothing changes and the cycle is set to go around yet another time. We end up paying the price in the end, as we have created vicitims of ourselves.
So many lightbulbs have gone off in my head since I have been reading this book... I'm sure I must be glowing :p
Meg