Thank you for the wise counsel! I am still in protect mode for the kids and the AH without realizing it. I am so glad I put myself on here for the objective observations. It will take me a minute to get used to the idea of admitting and saying to them that he is an alcoholic, I didn't say it out loud until recently. I do feel a responsibility to let him know that we will have those conversations and when they ask I won't sugarcoat it or sidestep it anymore. He only just admitted to my daughter last night after I left for the cabin that he made mistakes that have caused problems. He was willing to let me shoulder all the blame until I confronted him. Yes, I have tried to hold everything together and keep the "family" unit presentable and she is upset with me for not continuing that. I have asked my lawyer if he has resources for therapy, he asked me if I wanted counseling and I had said no. He has extensive knowledge in addiction, I haven't asked why or how but he knows more that the standard resources. We have had several side bar clinical conversations off the clock that indicate to me he has had a family member or loved one with addiction issues. I do want to help the kids navigate this before they are out on their own, we still have good insurance and should be able to get some therapy. Covering addiction up and pretending it didn't happen isn't good. I know that and it isn't a good example and not my intent but I can see how it falls back into the old pattern. Thank you! I needed all of your responses