Disser

Not posted in a while. I didn’t post much but I remember the last time I did I was I a terrible dark place with my mental health and drink awful amounts feeling very angry. I heard about a family member of mine that died from alcohol he was a chronic alcoholic that drank everyday all day. I didn’t know him but how he was described felt disturbing to me because they were describing me. He was lonely, wanted friends, wanted a girlfriend but he didn’t know how how to approach people, he couldn’t approach women even though he was lonely. He seemed like a nice person but at the same time he was very angry and frustrated apparently. These are my characteristics also. He died at 47. I thought so that’s going to be then, that’s my fate is it to die angry and frustrated and lonely. I didn’t tell the person that told me this that I’m an alcoholic. No one in my family knows that I am. It gave me a kick up the arse and although I haven’t given up alcohol completely I reduced it a lot. Been working overtime to keep me busy. My anger has subsided a bit and my mental health is getting better I can do 5 days of no drinking. The last time I drank though i had this urge to be legless be as drunk as possible and it was urge that I couldn’t control and have to give into and I’d never been so drunk in my life. I must had blacked out I don’t remember a lot of it when I was home. That was about 3 days ago and it makes me depressed thinking about it. Anyways I’m sure I can do a week of no drink starting from now atleast hope fully more. Sorry for bad spelling and punctuation and I’m not good at writing