Originally Posted by
Freshstart1111 
Because I’m not fully sure who I am. I am out of my marriage to a alcoholic narcissist. And I am in a limbo period as my mother, who is my only remaining family of origin, is in hospice for heart failure and dementia. I am finally understanding how her narcissism and my co-dependence and need for her approval for 50 years has shaped who I am who who I don’t want to be anymore. So she will be gone soon and I will be able to restart my life.
Fresh, I'm so sorry that you are facing this impending loss on top of everything else you've been through. Perhaps it helps you've done so much work already that you can acknowledge the pain and damage done, but also say your good - byes without carrying any of it forward?
Originally Posted by
Freshstart1111 Because life has been for and about the lives and approval of everyone else in my life. It feels overwhelming.
As you move forward, I would love to hear how you are doing it.
It feels immensely overwhelming. So far the only strategy I've come up with (since my head won't get out of the way and I'm a spreadsheet type of person) is to look at everything in my life, each place I spend time, energy, resources, and decide for whom am I doing that?
And yes, even down to what might seem to be ridiculous, like brushing my teeth or doing yoga. So I've been able to let go of things, like guilt and beating myself up for not maintaining an exercise regime like I did in my 20s as a competitive athlete, or planning and executing a 3 meal per day menu, when my children are old enough to make their own breakfasts and lunches, and can help me cook dinners, or at least heat up leftovers and wash dishes. I started a training program a year ago that has taught me new ways of looking at things, which is why I'm at SR now: I couldn't maintain the pretense that I was ok and not acknowledge that I needed to do this work and that I needed support.
Is it the best way to find who am I? I don't know.