quote
It is the recovering addicts responsibility to live out his sobriety in a manner that does not leave any room for suspicion.
JT,
I love your post. It is something I struggle with daily. I don't know if I will ever trust the addict in my life. It seems every-time I start to, something happens that destroys it. I agree that it has to be something that is earned.
However, not to be a pain in the tushy, but I have to take issue with this statement you made. If I, as an addict were to live out my sobriety in a manner that does not leave any room for suspicion, than I would be living my life and basing my actions on someone else. Eventually, I believe this would cause resentments on both ends. I also think it's impossible to do. For example say everytime the alcoholic were to go on a binge, they would call and say they had to work late. Now in recovery they do have to work late. Do they tell their boss that they can't work late because when they were drinking alcoholically that is the excuse they gave their wife and that if he called and told her that, she would worry. That actually sounds a little codependent to me and most alcoholics don't think in terms of how it would sit best with others. what I do think the responsibility of the recovering alcoholic, is to stay sober and to work on their recovery one day at a time, by doing the next right thing. Also accepting and understanding any insecurities and mistrust his wife has and be willing to work through it with her and reassure her.
It is the responsibility of the anon (in my opinion) to have faith in the process of recovery. Also, to be open and honest about her misgivings and feelings of mistrust. It is not the alcoholics responsibility to take those feelings away but it is their responsibility to stay sober. If the anon has suspicions, which she will, it's within her own recovery that she must deal with the ramifications of being married to an alcoholic in recovery. In the beginning of recovery when he calls and says he has to work late she's going to freak out but the more he stays sober and the more he works late and doesn't get drunk, the more she will start to trust. It's a long process and it takes time, sometimes years. I know my parents trust me today but sometimes I get that old patronizing feeling like they're saying, what do you mean? why would you do something like that? ya know like questioning my actions because they are suspicious. It's on them. I know I am working my program and doing the best that I can. that is all I can do. I can't be responsible for their feelings of mistrust or else it would drive me crazy with guilt and I probably wouldn't want to see them as much as I do.
This is just my 2 cents. I'm no expert on what anyones responsibility is.....I just like to be a pain in the tushy sometimes
