Perhaps if I share this stuff, some of it rubs off- and I might see it myself a little more the same as others do.
My counsellor from rehab- called to say he is resigning from the new merged service and was saying goodbye. He told me a while ago I was the hardest working client he ever had. On the phone he said he has developed a great deal of respect for me being so hard working, growing, not giving up and changing.
The Art School student counsellor, who I called today for a phone consul.t- being in lockdown which has really made the grief and sadness I feel about my hellish past and not seeing my sons, said even through the call (she has not seen me for about 18months) she feels pride for me, that I have noticeably grown, show self kindness through my actions, also I am very srtrong and resilient, 'amazing' in my growth and tyhat many she knows of with much less trauma- break.
I cannot process this stuff, still thinking of myself as a pile of refuse, bur do accept others see me differently.
I macde myself go for a walk, which am allowed to do with conditions under the lockdown rules.
Listening to Led Zep's The Song Remains the Same', and staying sane. Stupid pain never helps, but yet I live and grow.