Originally Posted by
dandylion 
I think that the feeling of abandonment---fear of being alone---without no trusted others to have one's back---is responsible for a lot of the paralyzing pain. Maybe, not the sole reason, but a large parcel of it.
This was certainly the case for me. Very early in my life, I got the feeling that nobody was really driving the bus, nobody was looking out for me, nobody could truly be trusted. I never really made friends, plural--always wanted just ONE person who would be everything to me and never let me down. I wanted a Siamese twin who was also a clairvoyant pit bull, who would always protect me and was always there but who would never disagree with me. Does that sound like a healthy sort of relationship to want? Yikes!
And yes, what dandy said was EXACTLY my situation. Things have changed a lot, and I've gained so much freedom in my recovery, but that first year alone was so hard and so frightening. Keep on taking it one day at a time, even if all you accomplish on a given day is to get up, go to work, come home and go to bed again. Those single days will start to add up, and you WILL feel better. You'll feel more secure in yourself and more confident that you'll find solutions to your problems and answers to your questions. You really will be stronger and happier. Just keep on putting one foot in front of the other.