Originally Posted by LovelyKaya33333

Something I thought about today. After I got amazing feedback (thank you all) from my earlier post today. It’s going to hurt I can’t avoid it. I will have to go through the pain … I can’t avoid it. Not if I want to get to the other side of this and learn and heal why I was ok with an AH to begin with. It’s going to hurt. If he’s blocked it will hurt to never hear from him… it’s going to hurt… if he reaches out but doesn’t give me any sense of acknowledging what he did caused an extreme about of pain and damage. It’s going to hurt… even if he shows up at my door and says everything I need and want to hear because I can’t unknow what I now know… it’s going to hurt if he gets sober cause I will feel like great someone is going to get the best version of him and I will have felt like I missed out. It’s going to hurt if he stays drinking cause I will know the envitable pain my step kids will go through. It’s just GOING to ******* hurt. There is no way out of the anxiety. There is no way to ignore that this has happened. I physically and mentally don’t have the strength to put on the show anymore anyway. This sucks and it’s hurts and it’s going to suck and hurt until it doesn’t anymore. There will be things I’m sure for a long time that remind me of him. Shows we watched together, my cat crying and looking for him, when I see those Orange safety shirts (he was an electrician), when I hear the work Tennessee (that’s were he went when he left me), there will be triggers all. The. Time. I can’t avoid them. I can’t temper them. I have to just know it will hurt. And then one day it won’t anymore.