Wow, thank you for your support everyone. Yes, I thought a lot about my daughter in making this decision. Maybe it boiled down to that for me- I didn’t want her growing up with this as her model. If I couldn’t do it for myself, I had to break the cycle for her sake.
Some of the things that got me here: Alanon meetings and readings, talking to a counselor who specializes in addiction (a double qualifier in recovery who could see both sides), reading Co-dependent No More, detaching and cleaning up my side of the street which meant going back to school, starting a new career and getting my self-esteem back. I started seeing myself again as a capable person who was liked and respected. I realized that this was the truth; I wasn’t the weak, crazy, insecure person my AH and I thought I was. It’s been a slow climb out of a very dark place. I look forward to joining in some more good conversations here. Thanks for all your positivity.