I know it sucks right now. I'm in the middle of filing myself. So far it's helping me to stay focused on work while I'm here, then busy with self care (exercise, eating, sleeping, etc) when I'm home, and staying in contact with my support network. It's really tough, but if events reached the point where you knew it was time to go, then it was the right thing to do. I hope we'll see you around more for posts and reading. There's a lot of good resources, like the best of sober recovery sub forum, and a lot of really supportive people on here with tons of experience. You're stronger than you think, and can do this.