Originally Posted by
KTB5000 
Glad to see you back Erratic and that you have a plan. Enjoy the game!
Congrats on 50 days someday147!
Day 9 today. I had another craving yesterday which means I wanted to B-line out of my Sober Living and run back to my fiances house to drown myself in red wine. I played the tape through and realized that I was just unhappy with myself and my social anxiety. I go to an online zoom mtg and although I get so much from hearing stories of hope and recovery; there is also a part of me that beats myself for not sharing/"giving back." I really don't have the desire or know what to say and my AV really likes to beat me up about it. I feel like Im forcing myself to say something meaningful or profound and I feel like Im just trying to please ppl when I do share and its exhausting.
I'm exactly the same with the zoom meetings KTB. I'm chairing and hosting on one now have done it 3 times and I find that easier than sharing! My anxiety just goes through the roof. I understand you beating yourself up but really it's just the av as you said. I also struggle with what to say I feel I have nothing to offer. I find just some gratitude does for me and if something else comes out fair enough, or read a passage from the big book if it's an AA meeting that way i'm contributing. My longest share is under a minute lol. Well done for playing the tape forward my friend, you will be ok we are all in this together.