Welcome,
I've learned that lamenting the past won't do anything but try to draw you back into a depressed alcoholic delirium, the addicts safe numb place.
You can't change the past but you can make amends where you can and forgive yourself and others where you can't. You have to stay in the now, it's a daily maintenance. Time and tide wait for no one it marches on, you either march with it or you get left behind the choice is yours.
I'm glad you're here hang around awhile. Lots of good people here and great advise. It's like the first time I walked into my home group AA meeting I thought " These are my people as motley and raggedy as they are!"