New here and need support.
Please help- I am in a position where I logically know I’ve done the right thing but equally feel horrendous and keep questioning myself.
ive been with my ABF for just over a year and we’ve had so many conversations about his drinking. He doesn’t drink every night but when he does, (nearly every weekend), he drinks to excess, passing out on the sofa or hitting walls or depressive. We have a big row in the morning, he makes the promises and then has one weekend off the drink, declares he doesn’t have a problem & we’re right back to it.
it’s all come to a head this weekend when he’d promised (again) he wouldn’t get drunk at our work event on Saturday but as the day approached, he started rationalising it to himself- he’d paid his money so why shouldn’t he drink, it was just me stopping him etc. We had another row where he went out the night before, got drunk & then came home shouting at me & punched a wall. I went to my parents for the weekend and he still went to our work event- got so drunk he couldn’t stand.
i came home yesterday & told him I don’t want to do this anymore- I can’t live like this. He started crying and begging, which he’s never done before. We rent a house together & neither can afford to leave right now but his parents have a spare room, he just doesn’t want to go back. I think he thinks if he just hangs around, I’ll eventually forgive him.
I’m just sad. And defeated. And frustrated. I love the bones of the man but I can’t believe his promises anymore. I’m annoyed at myself for even getting into this situation. And I still think about staying.
Any and all support welcome- thanks for the rant x