Hi, Thank you for your input. I'm not sure I really agree with holding my mother hostage, I think that is putting things too harshly. Not knowing everything I can understand why you would put it that way though. My mom is free to do whatever she wants. She knows better than to want to go out on her own though because she knows she'll be heading one place and one place only.. the liquor store. My mom has asked me to not let her be alone or be put in that situation or else she will start drinking again. I know it seems like we are just watching her at all times but it's true.. we do, we are and we will. I've woke up too many times in the middle of the night finding my mother gone and then having searches out for her finding her parked in various different places passed out. I'd much rather watch my mother as much as I can everday than take one little risk to let anything harmful to happen to her or even to others. I'd rather try to keep her away from those things even if people may call it holding her hostage. I'd rather do that than risk the chance of losing my mom. Alcohol has completely changed part of my mom. It's like she is two different people. Most of the time she's the mom I miss, the same mom I'm used to. Then other times, she's just angry. I have a hard time being in the position I'm in now, I can only imagine what it's like to be in hers, having everyone following you, watching over your back to see the next thing you might do. I can't even imagine what that would feel like. It's just hard to let your mother throw her life away. If the other part of her could do what she wished, she'd be lying in bed with a bottle and drink until her life was thrown away. But I know better, I know how my mom is and I know if she were me she would do everything she could to save her mom. Even if it is put that way, being held hostage, I am just not the type of person that can sit back and watch someone throw their life away, especially my own mother.
I am attending college right now but it's hard for me to go on with my own life with my mother has always been a huge part of my life. When my mom went away to stay with her brothers, I was so happy for her but sad at the same time. It's just hard to explain how close me and my mom are. Going a day or two without seeing her just doesn't seem right.. We are both a lot alike. She's the type of person to hold everything in until it completely blows up. She doesn't like talking about her problems, she's very independent. The only person she ever talks to about much of anything is me. I guess that is why I feel so strongly about being there for her.
I don't really understand the comment about taking the keys from my husband? For starters, I'm not married, obviously. I'm guessing that was just sarcasm on your part. I don't plan on taking any keys from my husband-to-be because that's not who I am. I do plan on getting married someday but my boyfriend of 5 years knows me and he knows that my mom means the world to me. I'm not much for putting up with a lot of crap from a man. If my husband-to-be and I ever got in a situation as this, I'd care for him just like I do my mom. It's hard to love anyone more than I do my mom though so chances are it wouldn't be as strong but I'd try. I'd much rather take my keys from my husband or mom or anyone I know than wake up and find them dead and wonder my whole life what if? My life pretty much revolves around what if's now.. and all I can really do is look out for her.
As for college goes, my mom asked me if I didn't even want to go back to classes this semester coming up. Of course I do is what I feel inside, college has always been really important to me. I think my mom is just scared at the fact that she will be alone again when I go back to school. I don't know what it is or why she'd want me to stop for this semester, I don't know. I don't know much of anything anymore. I need to go though. Thanks again.