Hi earlybird,
I think that suicide would be the opposite of what all you have been trying to accomplish. Besides if you are right about how she feels about you, then you would be playing right into her hands and making her look right. Like I've told my son lately, "The Best Revenge Is A Life Well Lived"!!!!!!! Someone else said these words and I don't remember who, but they just stuck with me because they are so true. I'm not really an advocate of revenge, but if you look at this statement, you will really see that it's just talking about Justice and not really revenge. Don't lower yourself to her level. Continue on your path of success and self-respect that you should really be proud of. My son is the alcoholic/addict in my life and I would be so proud of him if he had accomplished half that you have. But the truth is that you don't really need anyone to be proud of you because you can be very proud of yourself with very good reason. I do hope that you can find a way to move out even if it's like Lee said, That you find someone else to stay with until you can get your own place. He's also right about needing the face-to-face support that you would get at meetings, so that you can know that you are not alone and that you are not the only one going through horrible things like this in your life. I hope that you can someday put all of this in perspective, but right now it's just very important that you protect your sobriety and your very life. You are being verbally and emotionally abused and it would be best to get out of there as soon as you can any way that you can, even if you have to go to a shelter. If you'll read some of the posts of abused spouses, you will see that their isn't any difference in the things that the abusers are saying and how they are treating the ones they claim to love. This is not your problem really. I mean that what your Mom is doing to you is not really about you. She is the one that is so miserable and has heart problems, if you know what I mean. You are on the right track and yes people who are miserable and hate themselves always try to bring down people that are happier than they and are doing positive things in their lives. Please don't let anyone destroy everything you have worked so hard for. (((((HUGS))))))