Originally Posted by
SparkleKitty 
I hear you. I would respectfully offer that your wife isn't "relapsing" so much as not drinking every day. Relapse implies recovery. There's no recovery here (despite the performance she puts up. You know this, though.
Not knowing when they will get sober mom or drunk mom is just as damaging as always having drunk mom, just in a different way. If you are not ready to leave, please consider counseling for your kids (whether they want it or not, and whether they seem to need it or not). The dysfuncton of children of alcoholics (and codependents) is often invisible, and runs deep.
Cookie thank you for that. Small steps are better than none. I’m ambivalent and delusionally hopeful without any valid reason. Fear is a paralyzing g emotion, but one I must conquer.
Sparkle,
Yes, I know there is no real recovery. Smoking pot from sun up to sundown is not recovery while not drinking. As it leads to attending ( remotely) & hosting meetings high and drunk, which is certainly not recovery. Blaming me is not recovery.
Because of guilt and a sense of obligation I have, until now, believed I am the reason she relapses. But as you said it’s not really a relapse as opposed to a period of not drinking.
She is scheduled to fly back tonight, and my stomach is in knots. How in the world did I ever allow a person to impact me so heavily? It’s terrifying to think I subjugated my life and my children’s lives to this for so long. I hate addiction and alcoholics.