Another relapse
Hi everyone…I’m back.
It’s been almost 3 years since my first post and while some things have changed many have not. Since 2019 my wife has relapsed 6 times, each progressively worse and in a strange twist of fate I am being blamed for them all. Surprise!
She is in AA, even hosts a meeting via zoom, but has done so high for the last year and very drunk on several occasions. Fired her sponsor 6 months ago, and has relapsed 3 times since then. Always the vodka. What is it about vodka?
This last one may have caused the most damage. I have a 22 year old daughter that I haven’t seen in 7 years due to parental alienation who contacted me late last year out of the blue. (As many professionals said she would). Our communication has been pretty amazing as up until she evaporated from my life we had a great relationship and we just picked up where we left off.
A couple of weeks ago she called me crying because she and her boyfriend broke up and she was having roommate problems. So I offered to fly her out to see us for a week and she agreed. I felt like a father to her again and was excited to see her. It was going to be a great union, or so I thought.
Soon as we arrived from the airport my wife was in another relapse and drunk as a skunk, started smoking weed with her on the deck. When I protested they both said it’s just weed what’s the big deal? Dammit her we go.
My daughter went to sleep and when she woke up her and my wife were inseparable, and they began drinking. At 1 am when I woke to an empty bed I went looking for them and found my wife and her in the basement. Rolling joints and shotgunning white claws. My wife was clearly trashed. I got pissed and this time my daughter attacked me. I explained my wife is an alcoholic and she was the last person she should be drinking with. Instead of seeing things for what they are my daughters said she was disappointed in the person I had become. I was shocked, what in the hell is going on?
This went on for another day, except the next night they were driving around, my wife drunk, smoking pot and buying booze at target. Again they were up until 4 in the morning. My wife sleeping in until late, ignoring all responsibilities. That morning I got a text from my daughter telling me she wanted to leave early. When I went to talk to her about it, she began telling me the crazy stuff my wife had been doing.
From the moment my daughter arrived my wife was bad mouthing me, telling her everything I had ever done wrong and inventing a few in the process. She said my wife was acting terrified of me which is why she believed her and why she attacked me the first night when I confronted them about getting high and drinking. In a nutshell my wife deliberately sabotaged my reunion with my daughter in a very vicious and evil way and I have no idea why, except she’s a disgusting drunk. She also contacted my child alienating ex and they hatched a plan for my wife to book flights for her and the kids to her mothers without telling me. The power of manipulation and lies is impressive. She was gonna sneak off and take my children from me. She ultimately cancelled my flights before I knew anything about her plans, but still she had the intention of taking my children from me.
This next part is twisted. My wife is trying to blame it all on my daughter, that she had some twisted plan to break up our marriage. Accused my daughter of recording her while she was blasting me and then…my wife said my daughter looked her square in the eye and said I was the most dangerous man in the world and they should murder me in my sleep. That she would take the fall. My daughter denies this ever happened and was shocked at how crazy my wife had become.
The next day my wife bailed and left the state to go to her enabling mothers out of state. Leaving the kids without explanation. As I was cleaning up the house I found over 40 empty mini bottles of vodka, crown and cans of premixed margaritas hidden in the laundry room, bathroom and closet. (Did you know you can hide a mini bottle of vodka in and empty toilet paper roll? Well now you do. ). This is where she folds laundry and hosts meetings drunk. The picture was becoming clearer.
This will be the 7th time in 3 years that my wife has left our family home due to alcoholism. 4 detoxes, 2 rehabs and now this. Each time I’m left to manage it all, the business the household and then blamed for her alcoholism. She has shown no remorse for what she has done. Zip. Nada.
I think I hate her, but am so apprehensive about being a single father to two children under 10 that I haven’t taken any steps to gtfo of here. My codependency is in full force, fighting for its very existence, as I’m crispy and exhausted of this life and am desperate. I’ve hit my bottom.
Now what? It’s obvious I have to file, but the coward in me doesn’t want to give up and start anew. what is wrong with me?
For the last 3 years, I’ve been in a deep depression because of the things she’s done that I just can’t get over and there’s the constant anxiety about when the next relapse is going to happen. It’s no way to live and I need a better life.