Thanks,
I don't have any recollection of drunken disfuctional behavior. All my life my dad "worked nights" so why would I think it wierd that he was not at home when I went to bed and sleeping late so we had to be quiet. Was it everyone's parents who protected your tender psychie at the age of 4? Only to blurt out the awful truth sometime much later?? What is up with that?? Or could it be that I myself was in such denial that I did not see what was clearly going on around me? After I was grown of course. If that is the case my denial ran alot deeper than I have thought until now.
Being results oriented myself I think I may do some reading in the interest of knowing me better and what makes me tick. I have long ago come to terms with the fact that our parents do the best they know how to do. I have seen the book "Perfect Daughters". I will pick it up.
Alot of what everyone said makes a ton of sense...not being given the correct tools as a child. It took me 40 years of fumbling about and repeated raps on the head by my HP to get me into Alanon. I didn't hear the whispers...He needed a megaphone but I finally heard...
Hugs,
JT