At the start, I had no idea where I was heading. I was just very scared of going back to drinking, withdrawals, hopelessness... It is even impossible to tell how much of the anxiety and depression is chemically induced by the transformations alcohol has done to your brain and body, how much will disappear after, let's say, three months sober. Fear kept me going forward for months. Reading and posting here, journaling, reading mummywasasecretdrinker blog; doing the 30 days challenge religiuosly with Annie Grace. I also bought a book on CBT and read a bit every day.
I spent hours reading about alcohol. On a few days it will be 2 years without drinking. I am not scared of myself anymore. My anxiety is totally under control. I am not depressed either because I don't hate myself or life in general. Whatever direction you go, you have done he most difficult part already.