P.S. WL, I really don’t want to offend you or say something that might cause you to stop posting again. But there’s one more thing I would like to say.
I’ve followed your threads for a long time. They pretty much have the same theme, yes? Your wife acts out alcoholically, again, and you are furious and scared, again. But it seems like you most want to know how not to feel those feelings so you can hang on to the dream of the happy ending? Take it from a pro, those feelings you have stuffed down don’t go away…they metastasize. And every time you tell yourself your feelings aren’t valid you lose a little more self-regard. So you become a little more paralyzed, because you stop trusting yourself.
You spelled out the aspects of your ideal life…quitting your job, hitting the road. What if you take your wife’s presence out of that dream…and do the rest of it anyway? If everything you want in life still rests in her hands, you may be waiting for a long time, yes?
You feel what you feel. And that’s okay.